When I sat down with Olori Coitus to discuss the topic, Sexual Pleasure and the African Woman, I did not expect the extent of introspection and deep psychological insights that the episode would offer to both myself and our listeners worldwide.There has been a long history of silence around sexuality, women and sexual pleasure, especially where African women are concerned. Over the past year, since launching my podcast and now YouTube channel, I have explored sexual health and wellness. There is a myth that women are to ‘give their husbands sex’ with an undertone of physical intimacy being a chore as opposed to being an experience to be enjoyed.
The clitoris which we, at Taboo Doctor, have termed ‘clitoris power’ is the only organ in the human body – male or female – whose sole function is for pleasure. Yet, women are vilified for having fulfilling sexual relationships even within the confines of long-term relationships, and an ‘orgasm gap’ persists between the sexes.
In this episode, Olori Coitus gave us tips on how to break down these barriers. A few takeaways from our discussion are:
Olori highlighted the importance of self-awareness and introspection. She advised us to sit down and consider what we enjoy as human beings. What makes us happy? What pleases us? What our likes and dislikes are. She challenged us to audit how often we access this pleasure and encouraged us to engage with them more often.
Destroying the silence around the subject
Taboo Doctor is committed to speaking about health issues no one wants to talk about, and one of these includes sex education. We discuss why there has been silence around sexual education in our communities. Olori encourages friends to discuss sex among themselves and also to seek understanding and knowledge that will empower us to make better and well-informed choices.
When sex hurts
A few months ago, a few women reached out to me to discuss the painkillers and sedatives they wanted to use on their wedding night. I was shocked and surprised by this fear. There is a pervasive myth that sex is supposed to be painful and uncomfortable, especially on a wedding night, and brides who are virgins have been reaching out to discuss their concerns. Olori and I explored the reasons behind this fear. Although there are some medical conditions that can lead to painful sexual intercourse such as endometriosis, vaginismus, and infections, pain during sex should not be accepted as the norm and should always be checked by a doctor and supported by a certified sex coach or therapist.
Celibacy and virginity is not about vaginal intercourse
Our religions and society encourage celibacy and virginity until marriage. Abstinence certainly has its benefits, however, Olori and I explored the fact that many who claim celibacy find themselves avoiding vaginal sex only because of the myth of the hymen while engaging in oral and anal sex. We explore why celibacy and the myth of the hymen and virginity need to be better understood so that we can all make more informed choices.
Your orgasm matters
Olori also addressed the men in the lives of women and encouraged them to be patient and committed to communicating and seeking to please their spouse as well. She explored why the rush to penetration often leads to a satisfied male partner but an unsatisfied female encounter.
What questions do you have about female sexual pleasure? Do you think that orgasm gaps are a myth? Do you understand what a hymen is, and do you believe it is a sign of virginity?
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